Tonight's starter Jason Johnson has had a troublesome year. After losing his spot in Cleveland's starting rotation, he ended up getting traded to Boston for another shot at earning his paycheck. Those who have been watching him play have been unable to nail down exactly why he has had such a drop in performance levels, but they have also not had the awesome power of science
at their fingertips. One merely needs to analyze his starts with the gigawatt processing power of my homemade computer.
Lets see: according to this, his problem is.... he sucks. While this would clearly be an insurmountable obstacle to your average WEEI caller, those of us in the super science biz know that this is a trivial matter. Or at least it is now, thanks to my new invention: The Desuckulator (tm)
Yep, a few days in this baby and he'll be as good as new. What? Gametime is in only a few hours? Well, I guess he'll have to not suck just enough to pull off the victory. Of course, if this works, we'll give it the real test of tossing Seanez and Tavarez in there, and then it's a one way ticket to fame and fortune for me.
Now dry yourself off and get yourself a win. Nobody likes a soggy pitcher's mound, much less a soggy pitcher.