Friday, February 24, 2006

How Not to Be a Jerk Bag

The fantasy season is upon us, and my first draft of the season is a scant 11 hours away. This is not to say I haven't had an eventful fantasyoff-seasonn. In fact, I've been participating in two active year round leagues (one franchise, one keeper) to keep myself busy on the fantasy front. Nothing helps pass those dreary December months than working your own personal hot stove. Of course, there is one detriment to trading players in fantasy baseball (and in fact, all things) which can inhibit my enjoyment of the American National Fantasy Past Time (as opposed to the French one, which involves Melissa Theuriau). That limitation: some people are jerks.

It seems some people just don't know proper etiquette. What is wrong with kids these days? So, if I may, I'd like to take this time to be your own personal Miss Fantasy Manners. I'll be talking about fantasy baseball here, but most of these will apply pretty universally. So, without further ado: NU50's Guide To Not Being a Douchebag (New FLB Player Edition)

1. Assume your trading partner is at least as smart as you, if not smarter.
This is not to say that every owner is smart. There are plenty of folks out there who have agreed to some pretty awful trades. Whether it's due to fanboyism ("I'll give you Johan Santana to be able to have Tim Wakefield and Mike Timlin pitch for me!!!"), infatuation with "name" players ("Sammy Sosa, he's still a good round 3 pick, right?"), or just plain ignorance ("Jhonny Peralta? What a lame name... sure you can have him for Corey Patterson, what do I care"), stupid trades can and will be agreed to. If you can manage to pull one off incongratulationsll congradulations, you have a bright future in being a ringer in the Special Olympics.

However, it's one thing to have a trade like this fall into your lap. It's entirely another to go out looking for that deal. When you come up to me and offer a deal where I'm giving up one of my stars for 30 cents on the dollar, you are telling me you think I am stupid enough to take it. Most people don't appreciate being considered stupid, myself among them. It's a real quick way to be written off as someone who is impossible to trade with. Which leads right into...

2. Don't burn any bridges.
This goes for both sides of a trade. If you propose a deal, and if for whatever reason the other owner doesn't like it, don't start name calling. Likewise, if you don't like a deal, don't start spouting off. Just because a deal isn't there to be made now doesn't mean you won't find something that works with that owner later. Unless last time you started dropping f-bombs at a trade not working. It might feel pretty good at the time (especially if they are violating point #1), but it can only hurt your team in the long run.

3. Put the effort in.
There are few things more frustrating than trying to deal with someone who just doesn't bother. If someone takes the time to construct a trade offer, at least take the time to respond. If you don't like it, make a counter offer, or at least toss them a couple of sentences explaining why. This goes the other way too, if you are going to ask about a player, think of a couple of deals ahead of time to offer. It is pretty annoying when you are asked for a star player, and then have to do all the work in reading the other team's roster to find a potential match, especially since you were not the one initially looking to trade.

4. Be patient.
It is rare that a deal is made without some back and forth, and every permutation may mean having to read more scouting reports. When you present an idea, give the other owner time to read up and see what the new parameters may involve. This may not always be necessary, as some owners are more "shoot from the hip" GMs, but a real easy way to have someone reject your proposals is to keep pestering them to hurry up.

And there you have a handy guide to not be a tool in only half the steps it takes to make a bland sitcom. Sure, this may not be the most entertaining article I've written (which is saying something), but I consider it a public service. I'm pretty sure I can use this towards credit on my community service for my brief infatuation with Ashlee Simpson. Yeah... I don't know what I was thinking there. I don't dislike her with quite the ferocity of some (her dad on the other hand...), but now I wonder why I ever bothered with her with the likes of Jessica Biel, Kelly Barons and Kari Byron populating the Earth.

**sigh** ...Kari Byron.

If my love for Kari Byron was made of paper clips, you could link them into a chain that would circle the equator six and a half times.


Anonymous Piney said...

Yeah I've violated like most of these rules, to be honest with fantasy baseball... :( I suck

11:21 PM, February 24, 2006  
Anonymous Empyreal said...

Is making your GM's avatar wink an example of jerkbaggery?

8:22 PM, March 21, 2006  

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