Tuesday, September 20, 2005

**MOJO** - Sitcom Cliches Day 1

On tonight's episode of "The Red Sox": The Red Sox just found out their bosses (Schilling and Ortiz) are coming over for dinner, and there's no time to prepare!

Varitek: OK guys, Shilling and Ortiz are coming over for dinner, and we really need to impress them to get that promotion we've been wanting so we can win tonight.
Millar: I can get them fried chicken! (canned laughter)
Varitek: No thanks. Wells, I'm putting you in charge of food, seeing as you are so... you look like you like food. (canned laughter)
Petagine: I'm a 5-star chef, maybe I can help.
Francona: Sorry, Roberto. We need someone to stand on the roof and make sure no helicopters land on it. In some ways it's the most important job there is. (canned laughter).
Varitek: OK, bullpen guys, why don't you go help out in the kitchen. Manny and Edgar, you guys are setting the table. Johnny, pick out some music. Trot and Mueller, find some nice suits for everyone to wear. Millar... don't get drunk. Everyone else, find something useful to do.

[circle wipe - "Later That Night"]

Chaos in the dining room. Manny and Edgar have been dropping plates left and right. Johnny picked out some nice club music, but now the stereo has a velvet rope around it and none of the other players can get in. Trot and Bill pick up nice suits... but somehow covered them all in dirt and pine tar on the way home. Youkilis got confused about what he should be doing and drove to Pawtucket. Oleurd is standing expressionless in the middle of the room, wearing a helmet. Sveum has been standing at the front door waving in complete strangers off the street.

The kitchen is a complete mess: Hansen and Papelbon overcooked everything. Myers and Bradford got in an argument with Harville and Gonzalez over the proper way to add ingredients: from the top or from the side. Foulke somehow forgot what food is. Timlin is doing all right, but now he's in charge of making everything and could really use some help back there.

Varitek: Oh no guys! This place is a disaster and Schilling and Ortiz will be here any minute. [door bell rings] Dale, stall them at the door!
Sveum: Wave them in? You got it!
Varitek: Uh... I can explain...
Schilling: I can't believe this.
Ortiz: You threw us a big party!
Schilling: This is fantastic!
Varitek: It is?
Schilling: It sure is. The promotion is yours.
Ortiz: And don't worry about the win, Curt and I will take care of that.
Millar: [stumbles out of closet with Jack Daniels and a lamp shade on his head] All right, let's party!!
ALL: Millar! (freeze frame as everybody laughs together, and "Louie, Louie" begins to play.

And another delightful episode of "The Red Sox" comes to a close. Just a friendly reminder that no matter what crazy hijinx may ensue, it all works out in the end.

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