Friday, September 02, 2005

**MOJO** - Jungle Day 6

Jungle mojo continues on the prowl with the Oriole's mortal enemy: the panther.

If the Red Sox wish to keep their win streak alive, they would be wise to learn from the panther's three greatest strengths.

1) Vision

Panthers have excellent vision, especially at night. The Red Sox will need excellent vision to see the ball well at the plate, as well as to track down flies in the outfield and to get the good first step on ground balls.

2) Stealth

Sometimes the only thing more important than seeing is to not be seen. The panther is excellent at both staying quiet and patient as it is sneaking up on its prey. The Red Sox will need to wait for their pitch at the plate until it is time to strike. Also, Red Sox pitchers will do well to mask their intentions on the mound, making the bats miss with their deception.

3) Animal Magnetism

The panther has always been known for its animal attraction, and this is a feature that the Red Sox will need to adopt. But how will the hometown team attract the GLoRSN? Simple: chicks dig the long ball. And if the gentlemen from Anchorman are to be believed, then the panther is the best way to get them interested.

Brian Fantana: Sex panther by Odion. It's made with real bits of panther so you know it's good. This stuff is illegal in 9 countries.
Ron Burgundy: Yes, it's quite pungent, it stings the nostrils... in a good way though. Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you: that stuff smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana: They've done studies you know, they say 60% of the time, it works every time.

And of course, the panther gains it's animal magnetism at a very young age. After all, what could be cuter than a baby panther?

Lenny Dinardo, that's who.


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