Tuesday, August 30, 2005

**MOJO** - Jungle Day 3

Jungle mojo rumbles on with the natural enemy of the devil ray: the rhinoceros.

If Curt Schilling and the Red Sox wish to continue in their winning ways against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, they will need to remember the rhinceroses's three great strengths.

1) Horn

When combined with its size and strength, the rhino's horn is a devastating weapon to its opponents. Just as a rhino may cut down its adversary with its horn, Curt Schilling will need his splitter to cut down the batters stepping in against him today. Consider every splitter in the dirt that gets a swinging K the baseball equivalent of the stamping of hooves in triumph.

2) Armor

The rhinoceros has thick heavy skin which helps protect him against attacks from his opponents in a fight. It is this thick hide which makes the rhino such a dangerous animal, as it is very difficult to bring down. The Red Sox too must protect themselves against attack through slick fielding to keep the Devil Rays off base, and to keep them from coming around to score when they do. No matter what the cliche may say, sometimes the best offense is a good defense, and keeping Tampa Bay off of the scoreboard will go a long way in ensuring a win.

3) Fire Fighting

According to legend, rhinos have been known to stamp out fires found in the jungle. This myth is particularly popular in Malaysia and Burhma, and they even have a special name for it in Malay: "budak api". It will be up to the Red Sox own firemen from the bullpen to extinguish any signs of ignition that the Tampa Bay offense may show and lock down today's game, hopefully dousing the last of it with some dirty water.

Of course, the picture above isn't of a rhino stamping out a fire (seeing as none exist), so instead I decided to treat you to a picture of a baby rhino. Just goes to show that even an animal that is as large and as feared as the rhinoceros can still be cuddly and cute. Just like David Ortiz!


Anonymous LooiesWindup said...

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires!

Q: Why do Rhinos have flat feet?
A: To stamp out burning ducks!


10:36 AM, August 30, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

David Ortiz

3:47 PM, June 07, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Baby Rhinos are proof God has a sense of humour

3:48 PM, June 07, 2008  

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