Saturday, November 27, 2004

i love you trashlee

A strange thing has happened. Something so jarring that it threatens the very fabric of time and space. I like Ashlee Simpson.

It wasn’t always like this. I hadn’t even heard of her until that show of hers popped up on MTV. Even then, I wasn’t interested, I don’t even think I caught a single episode of it. At the time, I remember thinking, “So, Jessica Simpson’s less talented, less attractive younger sister gets her own show now? Big Deal.” But she kept showing up on TV, and her song kept getting played over and over again. And I started talking myself into how hot she is. The next thing I know, I’m enjoying the song being piped into Radio Shack, until I realize halfway through that I’m now bopping along to Ashlee’s hit single.

I am normally a very good judge of what I like. New movies come out, and I know which ones I will like (Garden State, Shaun of the Dead) and which ones I won’t (Bridget Jones, White Chicks). I know what TV shows I like watching (The Daily Show, Venture Bros.) and which ones I don’t (Two and a Half Men, Rebel Billionaire). I even know which Jennifer’s I like (Garner, Love Hewitt) and which ones I don’t (Lopez, Tilly). However, Ashlee Simpson throws a wrench into the entire process, because I know I shouldn’t like her, but I do anyways.

This is easy to write off, after all, there are always anomalies. However, the possibility can not be ignored that somehow the Madison Avenue ad wizards have cracked my code, and can now slip things past my “that’s going to be crap” filters. We all have that friend who will recommend us movies or music, who we choose to ignore based on that person’s horrible tastes. Does this mean I’ll find myself saying things like: “Well, that movie looks good. But I have horrible tastes and end up liking crap.” I don’t want to like crap. Damn you, Ashlee Simpson!

I thought all hope was lost. But then I tried C2, the new Coca-Cola product. See it tastes “just like” regular coke, except with half the carbs and what have you. Am I buying into this low-carb diet fad? Hell no, I think its stupid that people think that they can get thinner by eating nothing but meat and eggs, because it’s the bread that makes them fat, not the greasy fat. In fact, I drank it by accident because the labeling is a little too similar. You know how when you drink Cherry Coke, it doesn’t taste like cherries right away, but it has that rich cherry aftertaste. Well C2 is just like that. Except instead of cherries, it tastes like ass. They should just market it next to Cherry Coke and call it Ass Coke.

Man am I glad I hate C2, because it just proves that everything is still right with the world.

-- Hawaii out