Thursday, January 22, 2004

i hate fighting with loved ones

Why do you do this to me, ESPN? It’s been a solid month since the A-Rod rumors were put to rest, why couldn’t you leave them that way? Slow news day be damned, there is no reason to be toying with my heart like this.

Even without one Mr. Rodriguez coming to Boston, this is easily the most exciting off season I can remember. As it stands right now, I can hardly wait until pitchers and catchers report in 6 weeks. However, I really don’t need to be checking sports sites for news every 25 minutes like had been absolutely necessary while those damn trade rumors were going on. It didn’t pan out, that’s fine. It hardly seems like settling when you are watching Nomar and Manny in your lineup. But thanks to a source close to the Chicago White Sox (mind your own business, jerks) the talks are back on for this weekend. Fan-friggin-tastic. Then, for no good reason at all, starts selling Red Sox A-Rod jerseys. What in the blue hell is that all about? They said that it was a prank by one individual and was taken down after a few minutes, but there are reports of them being up since last Friday before they got taken down. This is getting ri-goddamn-diculous. This damn rumor is like the dead horse coming back to life to tell you to stop beating it.

All I want from you, ESPN, is your informative sports updates (not unsubstantiated rumor updates), your insightful commentary, and for Chris Berman to stop giving people nicknames. Is it really necessary to say “He fought the Law and the Law won” every time you show Ty Law. And God forbid, if I have to hear “Daylight come and he want to Delhomme” one more time, I may have to use a bee hive for a speed bag in the hopes that the massive swelling will block off my ears.

I propose that we replace Chris Berman on Sportscenter with that “Man of Action”: Black Eggman of Buddy Lee (click on the man of action quiz, and then the commercials on the left) fame. I can all ready see the highlights in my head. (clip: Patriots intercept a deep pass thrown by the Panthers) “Delhomme rips off a long bomb and.. don’t you do it! **pounds desk** Don’t you do it!” (clip: Bruschi gets a sack) “Ohhh, he was on him like a hobo on a ham sandwich.”

Or better yet, just put on World Series of Poker and Trick Shot Pool Championships all day. I could sit and watch that until my legs stopped working.

--Hawaii out


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