Monday, September 01, 2003

amazon + soccer = post

So, I decided I wanted to purchase a DVD, but I wasn't sure exactly which one. This is when I discovered Amazon's "listmania" service, where customers can post lists of movies they recommend. "Neat", Matt thinks. However, I realized something pretty quickly: People are idiots. First of all, every single "greatest movies of all time" list consists of exactly the same movies: the Godfather, Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Goodfellas.... and the inaneness goes on like this. If these are the only movies you are going to list, why are you even bothering. EVERYONE thinks these movies are great, it's not even worth my time. It just seems like you are hoping people read your list and say: "I like those movies, too!"

Here's a list of Matt's All-Time Best Hamburgers that you MUST EAT: 1) Cheesburger 2) Bacon Cheeseburger 3) Plain Hamburger 4) Hamburger with Peppers and Onions 5) Hamburger with Barbecue Sauce instead of Ketchup. There, don't you feel like your hamburger selection will be much better informed now that you have this fantastic information.

Worse than the people who just recycle popular choices, are the fanboys like "Randall Berg" who posts his list of The ULTIMATE MUST HAVE COMEDY VIDEOS. They are, in order, the first 5 Kevin Smith movies, then Office Space and South Park. If your top 5 of 7 movies that are "must haves" are all by the same guy, why don't you just type one sentence: "You must buy every single Kevin Smith movie ever because he is the COOLEST!" Then I will know you are an idiot, and can go about my business. Nothing against Kevin Smith (although people do it for his movies more than any other), but even if it were all Mel Brooks movies I still wouldn't listen to you. If you only think one director/actor/whoever makes the best movies of all time, it means two things: 1) You need to watch more movies. 2) I think you are a complete moron, and would rather punch myself in the groin then have to hear another single word you say.

In other news.... there is an amateur women's soccer team in Germany which is now sposored by a local brothel. You know, just like in little league, except now instead of the local pizza place or car garage, there is an ad for whores on these women's chests. Is it me, or shouldn't the soccer women just be topless with an phone number on their backs? Or better yet, have the brothel sponsor cheerleaders that strip naked and makeout during games. "Women's Soccer: Get into the action!"

-Hawaii out